inside

Over and over, it comes up again and again, this problem. Swirling in conversations, it repeats, resurfaces and rears up. Seemingly tireless, it tires and wears down the already weary.

Reacting in a swift counter-attack of cutting off and mounting walls and barricades seems to help for a moment… But then the problem surfaces again, from within sincerely and finely erected barriers.

Don’t get me wrong, boundaries are beautiful! They provide freedom like no other. A limitless vertical life of unimaginable beauty and joy. And at the same time, ever expanding borders of restoration and redemption extending out.

But if I believe the lie that the problem is outside of myself… If I can boil it all down and still blame another for my brokenness… If I can point to my circumstances as the ultimate culprit… If the threat of my environment can so topple my existence… 

Then no boundary, no accountability, no barrier will ever be enough on it’s own. No matter how sincere. No matter how genuine. No matter how actually, truly, legitimately needed it may be.

The liar says that I should blame. Something, anything, anyone. The liar says that I should be ashamed. Run, hide, pull away. But a liar speaks lies. So a liar cannot be trusted. 

Never trust the liar. Don’t get stuck in his lair.

There are plenty of legitimate problems out there. Things are often ever so wrong. Not the way they should be. The world groans and moans.

But my biggest problem at the end of the day isn’t what’s “out there.” I can try to control by cutting off, but it will never be enough on it’s own. Because my biggest problem at the end of the day is what’s broken inside of me. My broken heart, my broken thinking, my broken ways.