forgiveness

Forgiveness frees you. It frees me.

I'm certainly not the first to gather these thoughts, but the conversation surfaces often enough and tender enough that I know these are things we need to remind ourselves and others of often. And I don't say this to be trite or diminish the pain of your experience in any way. We have the only faith worldwide that has a God who suffers with us and weeps with us. That being said, let's consider forgiveness...

Just saying it can be loaded. Thoughts, memories and emotions can swirl up. And they're very real, and show us that something is wrong. But they're not always based on the realist reality of eternity. And the realest reality that will remain for eternity is the truth of what God speaks over us, to us, and into our situations. Not what anyone else has spoken over us. Nothing that anyone else can do to us can separate us from the love that is ours in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38). So from a place of being loved in Christ, let us consider...

forgiveness is not forgetting

Amnesia happens from damage, not wholeness and healing. We can, and should, learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others to grow in wisdom and character. You may forgive and hold no record of wrong against someone, and yet still learn from the past.

forgiveness still allows for boundaries

Entangled and codependent relationships are not healthy. Jesus is the only One we can be completely needy with and it's completely appropriate. In Christ alone, all things hold together (Colossians 1:17). And in Christ alone, we are made complete (Colossians 2:10). You may forgive, and yet still ensure a relationship looks different than it did before when it was unhealthy.

Toxic relationships are not healthy. Someone who is seeking your harm (in any way) is not safe. You may forgive someone and not harbor bitterness in your heart towards them, and yet still not entrust the deeper places of your heart to them. You may genuinely forgive someone, and yet still not ever place yourself in a situation where you could be alone with them. You may forgive, and still not choose to see someone.

forgiveness is something you are responsible for 

Because forgiving is something that you are responsible for, it doesn't inherently imply any change or obedience on the part of anyone else. Forgiveness is not contingent on anyone else because the only One who has the right to withhold it has already freely given it (Colossians 3:13). It may be part of the path to others repenting and there being restoration, but it may not. Someone else repenting is necessary for true restoration, but it is not necessary in order for you to forgive and be truly free.

forgiveness admits the reality that we sometimes have to live with the consequences of other people's sin

Our sin doesn't just affect ourselves. You may try to justify your behavior by saying it's only affecting you, but this just simply isn't true. And you most keenly feel this reality when the sin of others affects you. You can forgive someone and yet still be profoundly affected by the impact of their choices to sin. (This is likely the hardest part about having served in youth ministry...my heart is regularly broken by seeing the impact of the sin of an adult has on a child.)

forgiveness is a choice to obey, not a feeling

Your feelings matter, a lot. They are a signal of what's happening, of what you are believing about your experience. But forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice to obey. You cannot control your feelings, but you can control your thoughts. And it is not hypocritical for you to declare as true what God has said (His Word alone endures forever!) even when you don't feel it yet. You can admit how you feel and in the same breath confess what He has said is true. You can choose to forgive even if you don't "feel" like it yet. And your feelings will follow. If you wait to forgive until you feel like it, you may not do it. But know the Lord is so very patient with us, and He will walk with you and wait on you. And anything you do in obedience to His authority brings life and fills. His authority and everything He asks you to do in obedience, fills...it doesn't take. You have nothing to loose by obeying the Lord.

forgiveness is possible in Christ

On our own, this is impossible. But with God, all things are possible. And He has already granted the opportunity for forgiveness for each of us by the blood of Jesus Christ. For those in Christ, He has removed our sins from us as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). And He does not treat us as our sins deserve any more (Psalm 103:10). He has made us whole and healed. It's only from this place of experiencing the lavish forgiveness of Christ, that we can forgive others.

forgiveness releases freedom

Freedom from being defined by the wounds others have caused us, into being defined by the wounds Christ bore for us to bring wholeness and healing brings us ultimate release.

Forgiveness frees you. It frees me.

Even if "nothing changes", everything changes when my heart moves from unforgiveness to forgiveness.