tiny toe

Admitting I did it, shatters my self-reliance...the idea that I won't get hurt if I only rely on myself.

I stubbed my toe the other day. Not just any ordinary stubbing. A crunching that took off the end of my little pinky toe. The pinky toe! A tiny toe that can hurt so badly. Why it is that stubbing your toe is so infuriating? So as my toe is dripping blood, I’m sitting on the floor mad at the world.

With no one to blame but myself.

There wasn't even anyone around me I could blame for distracting me. I wanted to take out my wrath on someone, but couldn't. And somehow this made it worse.

It took a few days perspective before I realized how this speaks to how I go through life...too very often. Sometimes I do things that only end up causing hurt. And I get mad. Mad at the world around me. And I want to blame someone for it.

Or even if I don't want to blame someone for it, I'm still so infuriated that I did it that my frustration at myself changes my mood to those around me.

My tiny toe stubbing causes some mighty big collateral damage. You could say it's my Achilles Heel. Only I'm so sensitive, it doesn't even take a whole heel...only a tiny toe.

Admitting I did it, shatters my self-reliance...the idea that I won't get hurt if I only rely on myself.

So my tiny toe smashes the illusion that I'm only safe with myself. So I can release my need to blame others. And take myself a little less seriously. And laugh at the ridiculousness of sitting on the floor applying pressure to stop the bleeding from such a  tiny toe.

And the remarkable thing, is I didn't even loose my toenail. And you'll be happy to hear  my skin has already healed up only a week later. And my conscience has been pricked by the Holy Spirit...which I wouldn't trade for a moment.