hope

Hope. Spoken on the heels of Surrender. This season has sparked trembling steps of Surrender. Letting go of that which was never mine to grasp in the first place.Mind flashing through events of the past year renews my conviction that this Surrender has definitely marked these days. Resigning from my largest client, my only stable income. Launching a crowd funding campaign for a new album for my brother's band. Laying down contrived walls supposedly keeping me safe. Relinquishing my definition of good, for Goodness Himself in my own life...and even harder, in the lives of those I love. And Hope, seeming to contradict this Surrender, grows all the stronger. Renewing the vision. Perfecting my puny ideas into more than I could ever ask, think or imagine. Because His thoughts and ways, they are not my thoughts and ways...but my thoughts and ways, they should be more like His.At first, I ignored. Traveling, I notice a sign declaring Hope. "Oh, how cute," I think...and keep on going. Then another sign. Then a plaque by the sink arresting my attention while doing the dishes. Three days in a row, in different places, finally I begin to see. Maybe, just maybe I will hope... I will will to Hope."Are you dreaming?" the missionary asks. Eyes dancing making you just want to love Jesus more from a single glance, he prods. Invites. Asks the questions. Admits the possibilities.Possibilities I feel presumptuous to even propose. Yet from the place of Surrender, these Hopes gurgle up. Catching renewed breath. Coming to life...again, maybe for the first time.Hope. Spoken on the heels of Surrender. I know this world pierces though. I don't know what's best though. What if things don't work...won't work? What determines "working" anyway?What if my hope isn't refined. Isn't fully IN Him and FOR these possibilities but instead places the dream as the object of the hope?Just this week, three dear sisters cried out in despair...literally a trembling, crumpled ball of hope misplaced. Together we fight our way back to Surrender. By truth, discerning our next step. His Word, it hurts. Pierces. Discerns our true intentions. This is a scary endeavor...yet more frightening is the prospect of not walking in Surrender but continuing in misplaced Hope.This is dirt under nails Hope, fighting and resting at once.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbt27eGd_NY&w=560&h=315]