joy

Toward the beginning of this year, the Lord was really speaking to me about joy. It kept coming up. At my church, they’re teaching through a book of the Bible and got to a part about the Holy Spirit. And once again, joy as a fruit of the Spirit, kept coming up. When I would pray asking for more of the Holy Spirit, the idea of joy kept returning, swirling. I started to get excited. 

It’s been a long, hard year for many. Yes, there was beauty and hope and provision extravagant for so many needs. But I felt worn thin and worn out. Exhausted from the fighters on all sides. Exhausted from the noise and lack of listening. Bruised (and honestly traumatized and left literally shaking) by words and tones leveraged and hurled against me and those I love. And in the end, just so sad by it all. So whispers of joy were most welcome.

My brain was taxed and maxed, constantly swirling with the to-dos, never seeming to catch up, so I went on a long weekend beach trip with some friends. Rest helped me to finally feel like I could catch my breath. Clarity was returning and I thought maybe now the joy would come… Maybe now it would well up within and overflow… That underneath there would not be this ever-ready well of tears but of joy instead… 

Then we experienced one of the hardest weeks I’ve ever had in my life. One close friend was killed as a result of a car wreck, leaving behind a young widow and their little baby. And another close friend, newly pregnant, experienced the loss of their baby and had to have emergency surgery. Traumatic injuries. Prayer vigils. Being up in the night getting texts. Taking care of children while sick parents were in the hospital. Losses of life. Organizing meals. And the honor of continuing the long haul walk… that we were already on together, but it just looks dramatically different now.

This doesn’t look like joy.

But then I started to dwell on joy again… Asking where it was? What it means in this season? Wondering why it came up so much only to seem utterly lacking in this season… And this verse came to mind: 

Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
(Psalm 126:5)

And with sowing and reaping, my mind instantly flashed to:

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.
(Galatians 6:7-10)

I know it’s a leap to connect the two, but generally the principle applies that you reap what you sow. You don’t sow apple seeds and reap oranges. So if sowing tears produces a harvest of joy, then somehow they must be part of the same thing. Even if it’s how a caterpillar and a butterfly are parts of the same thing, just in different seasons.

So maybe, just maybe, could sorrow be joy’s longing?

And maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t mistaken when I heard joy continually at the beginning of the year. I am sowing some more tears now. And somehow, in doing so, I am sowing for a harvest of joy to come. We are sowing for a harvest of joy that is promised.

Don’t grow weary in growing the good things my friends.

Even when the sowing leaves you aching. Even when your back feels like it’ll break. Keep sowing in the Spirit and you will reap in the Spirit. Joy included.

If joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5), could it be that joy comes in the mourning?