higher

Time runs together for me, but not that long ago I was sitting around with a group of women welcoming deeper conversation and honesty. And honestly what I heard grieved me. Not because of the fact that they were sharing! But the fact that they had been indoctrinated to believe a lie about their identity and how it was playing out was detrimental to their hearts.

You see, there’s this idea that the highest calling of a woman is to be a wife and a mother. And really, because in practicality both explicitly and implicitly taught in those circles, the children are more of a woman’s responsibility, her life is built around the children. So for all practical purposes, her highest calling where she finds her identity is in being a mom. But then when the children grow up, she realizes she’s kind of lost herself in the process. 

These women with grown children were lamenting that the best years of their lives were over. The most fruitful years of their lives were gone. And this is what breaks my heart.

Yes, there is grief and lament in many changes in season of life… even when the changes are good and welcome, there is still a loss associated with change. This is appropriate and we shouldn’t gloss it over.

And yes, being a mother is a wonderful, often consuming calling. In ways that I can’t even begin to grasp since I am not one.

But I am an unwavering advocate that the best is always yet to come for the child of God! It might not be easy or prosperous as the world defines it… it might include hard and heartache. But I do believe the best is yet to come! 

And I am an unwavering advocate that a woman’s worth is not defined by her marital status or if she has children or not. 

Yes, we find our life when we lay it down for another. But it’s for a higher purpose than any one role or relationship. 

And ladies, your children cannot bear the weight of your worth and identity. No one can!

So mamas of littles, yes there is value in your calling as a mom! But as your children grow and have capacity, invite them into a higher calling. And yes, be attuned to and nurture your children, but don’t make the purpose of your world about them.

And mothers of grown children, please don’t sit at home because your outlets for relationship aren’t automatic with the busy rhythm of life with children. And please don’t merely meet up with other women just like yourself for fancy lunch dates. We need you! We need your experience, your wisdom, your perspective. We need you in the trenches pushing back the darkness and hopelessness all around.

I contrast this with the few women I know who have empty nests who are actively engaged in the lives of others to encourage, hold up, weep with, walk with, equip and empower them. And you know what? They’re the ones that didn’t stop living life because of their children. They invited their children alongside of them to push back darkness, to lift others up.

The higher calling isn’t a particular role for a particular season. The highest calling is who you are called to be, and what you are called to do and it transcends a particular role or season or place. Yes, it has practical outworking in daily life. And the form it takes changes in different seasons, and this is appropriate. But your highest calling is rooted in a much deeper identity than a particular role or relationship.

It’s just as contentment is not based on circumstances. It can’t be! It has to be rooted deeper. In many ways, the highest contentment and calling are rooted deeper. We apply them in our context! But I really believe that it’s only when contentment and calling are rooted deeper than context, that we can truly walk in them in our context.

And there are times our context needs to change! And times when unexpected and even unwanted change just happens to us and our context. And times when the natural rhythms of life just bring change. 

But please stay engaged! Please stay curious. Please remain open. 

Please let’s stop explicitly (or implicitly) perpetuating the lie that a woman’s highest calling is to be a wife and a mom. I’m tired of seeing the fallout in women I love… for those who are neither, for those who are both, for those who are one and not the other. If you are called to be both, they are part of your highest calling! But they are not your ultimate high calling. And if you are neither, then at least for right now they are not part of your highest calling. We do not have to devalue roles or relationships to have a higher value on our identity and worth and calling that transcends context. 

Your highest calling is rooted in your identity given by a God who lavishes and pursues your heart with an unending love always beckoning you to come further up. Always.