grief

The whole world has changed. Change means something is different. Different means things have changed so what was before is not now, at least not in the same way. Often this means loss of some kind. Loss means grief.

Right now our world is grieving. In a very real sense, the earth is groaning (Romans 8:22) even as many people do. And on top of a global pandemic and all of the spheres of life it’s impacting (which are countless!), there are still all of the “normal” forms of pain to face… such as several of my friends where their father is facing a nasty form of cancer.

It’s so important to remember that pain is pain is pain and cannot be compared. It does me no service to suppress my grief because it isn’t the same type as someone else’s. And it does me no good to dismiss someone else’s grief because I feel my loss is superior in some way. Pain is pain is pain. But, let me gingerly remind us all, that sometimes a little bit of perspective can help us. For example, missing prom is a really sad reality for many students right now. But may I gently remind you, some people have lost a loved one. Again, pain is pain is pain. And any measure of loss and grief needs to be expressed in healthy ways and not dismissed or suppressed. But after sitting and grieving with each other, let’s help each other regain some perspective.

Grief is an odd thing. You can try to pretend it’s not there, but it will remind you. Tears spilling from your eyes when you don’t even know why. Snapping at someone for an unknown reason. Feeling a press to escape reality and just take the edge off with something, some way. A suffocating weight hanging over you.

And often times, even when a group of people are experiencing grief from the same cause, they will process it in different ways in different timing. So while one legitimately needs to sit and weep, another needs to get up and dance. While one needs to just laugh and be silly with someone, another needs space and quiet. When one needs to talk about it, another needs to take a break from talking about it. While one needs an uplifting song of praise, another needs a contemplative lament. And it’s really easy to sit in judgement over another and where they’re at in their process of grieving and dismiss what they legitimately need because it’s not what we need at that time.

This is where we need mercy. Mercy for ourselves. And mercy for others. 

Our common extremes of pretending grief doesn’t exist or wallowing in it don’t help us. They may seem so much easier in the moment... Reckoning with it is hard, vulnerable work. But the comfort and correction found in Christ are the sweetest!

Venting our grief and yet being able to align, agree and affirm truth in the person of Jesus is so powerful. Because in reality, there’s no way to align ourselves to the core if we aren’t letting it all out in healthy ways. So let’s have mercy for each other. And let’s grieve so we can keep truly living for grief is a part of life. Pain isn’t an illusion that we can escape it this side of heaven. Let’s reckon with our grief. “This world is broken yet beautifully made…” (“Come for Me” by Charlie Hall)