literally can't even

Just when I think I cannot possibly contain anything more, He sends more. My Jesus is a much more God. In every capacity, He overwhelms me, overcomes me. And not always in every way I think I need, but in every way He knows I need.

A phrase popular with girls now is “I literally can’t even”... It’s a silly phrase girls use to respond to just about anything. But right now, on so many levels, in so many ways, I literally can’t even. ;)

I’m overwhelmed at how I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. His goodness has kept my heart from despair. So much loss, so close. So much uncertainty, pervading each moment. So much brokenness, within and around me.

But, His goodness. Here and now, so near. Not in spite of heartache, but through it. Not in spite of the unknown, but in the midst of it bringing a greater, deeper known. Not in spite of my need, but coming relentlessly into it.  

I am overwhelmed. Overcome. 

So many places and dear people. Much miles and music. Tears...of side-splitting laughter and of deep longing and loss. Such need in my heart. Such grace to grow in letting the Lord meet my need. Letting go. Dinners around stranger-friend tables. Fellowship of the family of God across borders. Continual sustaining from the Word when weary. The unfathomable honor of hearing stories of the redeemed, rejoicing in the extravagant faithfulness of the God who never. ever. let’s go. 

Who am I and those that I love that we should get to offer so extravagantly as this (2 Chronicles 29:14)? It’s stunning that He has called and sustained me to be able to give what I have to Him. To build His church. Who am I? 

And now, we are dreaming, planning, praying through the fall with the band. Taking steps until He redirects. Things too exciting to even speak sometimes. 

All the while, I still haven’t technically had “enough” work for over a year. Yet since I resigned from my largest client (which He so gently led me to do in His perfect timing), the Lord has continued to provide enough for me each and every step. Calls come in for random jobs that need to be done, a gift is given, a project returns a greater than expected payment...it never fails. He never fails.

So when I was asked to consider again spending a month in the Dominican Republic helping to lead our youth group mission trips, I laughed and said why not? It doesn’t make sense financially...but this last season hasn’t made sense, and yet it has. 

There is so much that I do not know. But rather than dwelling on those things, I have had the steady and constant admonition from Scripture, from my perfect heavenly Father’s heart, to focus on what I do know. I do know He is continuing to lead us in fruitful ministry with the band. I do know He wants me volunteering with our youth group. I do know He wants me stewarding the work that I do have with excellence. I do know that He wants me writing more, even if only for the life it brings me.

And what’s so phenomenal and another extravagant demonstration of the Lord’s leading is that the wise counselors in my life and people who love me, not the least of which are my parents, are cheering me on. So onward I go! The practicality is beyond comprehension. But this much more God has so gently sustained me and is ever faithful. 

I am overwhelmed. Overcome. I could say “I literally can’t even”...but I won’t. ;)

You can keep up with the band here at our As Isaac facebook page.

You can keep up while we’re in the Dominican Republic June 24 to July 21 over here.

Along the way, I’ll write about all of this and more here on this blog.